Many of my friends have wondered lately why I decided to leave Newberg and move to SE Portland. Well, in order to explain the move, I need to share my testimony so that you can understand why I moved.
**Disclaimer** What I share in this blog post may be new information about myself to some of you and deals with real life issues that are going on in my life. I will not be sugar coating anything. I will be sharing my honest story of how it is. I'm not ashamed of this testimony but I want the reader to be warned that I cover some tough issues that not everyone is comfortable reading about. This also is a long blog post so make sure you have time to read it. Just thought I would let you know now.
Where Did My Journey Begin?
Most people that read this post know that I am a Christian, a follower of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. But how did my journey begin? I grew up in a Christian home with my mom, dad, brother, and sister. Because of this, we were always at church on Sundays and mid-week activities on Wednesday nights. So throughout my early years of life I heard about the Biblical stories and hearing the Gospel. When I was only in 2nd grade, I accepted Jesus Christ into my life. However, as a child, I had no idea what this journey with Christ would look like. So, growing up through grade school and junior high I did what any regular Sunday Christian would do. I attended church on Sunday and Wednesdays, did Bible Quizzing for a while, was a part of a couple small groups, and participated in several camps and retreats. All this was well and good for a young faith but I really hadn't hit the meat of what it meant to be a Christian. I was more going through the motions.
However, things started to change when I was going through high school and college. In high school I started to realize that I needed to make my faith my own and not just going through the motions. Part of this involved a hard time of church transition for me when my parents and several other families wanted to start a new church plant in Pendleton, Oregon. This really challenged me because I like the church I was at and the new church plant didn't have a youth program for me to be involved in. However, I went along for the ride and helped get Cornerstone Community Church started with my parents. I also got involved by helping with set-up and tear-down each week. With this new church and then being involved with the youth group from my previous church, I really started to have a good base of my faith.
In the late summer of 2000, I packed my bags and left home to attend George Fox University. The following four years were a wonderful time of growth in my faith as I studied Christian Ministries; growth in my understanding of my gifting in design, theatre, and planning; developing strong friendships that I still have to this day; and being involved in several ministry opportunities at Countryside Community Church. I have so many fond memories of my years at George Fox that they are too many to write here.
Where is my Journey Now?
Since that takes care of my early years of life, I now want to focus on where I am at now. Ever since leaving George Fox, I started to realize that I had not dealt with some core issues in my life and that I was starting down a slippery slope of destruction in my life, even though to most of my friends and family I seamed pretty normal. I will get into more details about this in just a moment.
Before I go into further details, I need to give a little background. While attending Countryside Community Church in Sherwood, Oregon, our Pastor wanted to start a new church plant in a near by town. It was later decided that the new church plant would be in Dundee, Oregon. In early 2008, we were told that a guy by the name of Art would be coming to check out to see if he would be the lead pastor for this new church plant in Dundee. When Art came to visit on a Sunday at Countryside, he came and sat right next to me in the front row of the church (where I always sat on Sundays). Soon after this first meeting, I helped Art run a booth for this new church plant, now called Dundee Covenant Church, at the annual Old Fashioned Days Festival in Newberg, Oregon. At the end of the day, it came time for the firework show for the festival. I joined Art and his family to watch the fireworks. While we waited, Art asked if I would come help with this new church plant and I told him that I would gladly help. From this, I participated in several launch team meetings at Art's house to help get Dundee Covenant Church started. After preview services in the fall of 2008, we officially launched the church on Sunday, February 8, 2009. In the two years since starting the new church, I have been helping in many ways at Dundee Covenant and developed a strong friendship with Art.
So now back to my testimony of what God has done in my life. In the summer of 2009, I started to realize that I was heading down the destructive path of homosexuality. This was no instant struggle. It just came to a head at this point in my life. Let me explain.
In November 2008, I moved into a townhome in Newberg by myself. It was a great 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath townhome. However, from the time I moved into the townhome through late spring of 2009, I really was going through a rough time of living by myself, still being single, and not really doing too many things with friends. I really was secluding myself from others, even when I was with friends or other groups. I was really feeling alone. Because of this, I started going through the personal ads on Craigslist and started communicating with an older man by email. I knew in my Christian heart that what I was doing was not right and ignored the warning signs. My emails with this man did get sexual in nature and I remember wanting to pursue my fantasies that were running through my head. However, it was then that God brought to my attention back to reality. I was losing control of my life and letting it be twisted by my sinful desires. This scared me so much that I immediately ended communication with the man and called up my good friend Art. I asked him if he had time on a Saturday in the summer of 2009 to meet to talk about what I was feeling and struggling with.
The Saturday of our meeting was one of the most darkest days I can remember. It was pouring down rain, the clouds were dark in color, and I was feeling the lowest in my life. I was full of shame, guilt, conviction, and confusion as to what Art would think of me after serving with this new church plant for the past year. I picked Art up from his home and we drove to the church office, which was a small office room that was part of the Dundee Storage Unit Office. I then shared with Art with where I was at in life. I explained to him how close I was falling into homosexuality and I didn't want this for my life. After sharing, I sobbed and sat before my friend Art as a broken man that didn't know where this conversation was going to lead. Once a few moments past, Art showed Christ's love to me and accepted me where I was at. The love Art showed me goes way beyond words and it meant a lot to me. We then discussed of ministries that he knew of that help men and women face their same-sex attractions and the issues that come with it. He wondered if I would be willing to be a part of such a program. I told him I would do anything to help me face this struggle in my life.
So we started to search for ministries that dealt with this issue in the mid-summer of 2009. We first looked up Living Waters but there was no such program in Portland. So the search continued. After a while, Art found out about Exodus International and told me to look up their website. While looking at their site, I found out that Exodus has a partner ministry called Portland Fellowship in SE Portland. I then checked out Portland Fellowship's website to see if they had a program that dealt with same-sex attractions that I could get involved with. While reading the stories of change and hope, I then read about their Taking Back Ground program. I then talked with Art about Portland Fellowship and he told me to call them to see if I could join the Taking Back Ground program that starts in the fall. So, with as much courage as I could muster, I called up Portland Fellowship in late-summer 2009 and spoke to Jason, the Executive Director of Portland Fellowship. We arranged for me to meet with him during the week to do an in-take interview for the Taking Back Ground program. During this meeting, I got hear Jason's story, I got to share mine, and then Jason said that he would love to have me part of the Taking Back Ground program that would be starting in October.
Then for the next two years (October 2009 to May 2011), I have been participating in the Taking Back Ground program at Portland Fellowship on Tuesday nights. During the two years of going through this program, I have come to face my struggle with same-sex attraction; my perceptions I had of certain situations; my relationships with other people (especially with men); my identity that is in Christ; and throughout the two year journey leaning how to trust God with everything that came up. This was an extremely hard two years but I remember writing a letter to myself the first day of Taking Back Ground that said I would be willing to do whatever it took, feel whatever emotions that came, and discuss whatever issues that arose to find the change and hope I had read about. When I completed the Taking Back Ground program on May 31, 2011, I got the chance to look back on the past two years and see the change God has made in me. However, the Taking Back Ground program was just the beginning as God was not done with me yet!
So Why Did You Move to SE Portland?
The biggest question I have gotten from several people is why I decided to move to SE Portland. Well, here is the answer you all have been waiting for. I moved to SE Portland to be a part of Portland Fellowship's internship program called the Upper Room Program. But some of you may ask, "Brandon, don't you have a job right now?" Yes, I do have a full-time job. However, from February 2011 to April 2011; I have been meeting with Drew, the Upper Room Program Director, talking with him about my desire to do the Upper Room Program but also wanting to keep my full-time job. Well, for the Upper Room Program for 2011-2012 things have changed so that the things that I need to do during the internship are done a nights or during the weekends when I am not working. This allows me to do both things during the coming nine-months of the program.
What will I exactly be doing during this program? I think the website for the Upper Room Program gives the best summary about the program, which states:
"The journey to freedom from homosexuality is a difficult road. The Upper Room is a place where people desiring to truly submit this area of their lives to the Lordship of Christ and can do so immersed in a community of others who have walked, and are walking that same road. The Upper Room is a nine-month residential program that provides a safe and challenging environment that will foster deeper maturity spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. As part of the Upper Room, residents will be immersed in Portland Fellowship's Taking Back Ground Program, as well as participate in weekly Upper Room meetings, both as a community, learning and growing together, and in weekly individual mentoring appointments with staff of Portland Fellowship. The focus of these meetings range from spiritual to practical, all with the intention of moving us into deeper intimacy, health, and maturity in Christ."
As you can see, I have a very challenging program ahead of me but I'm excited to see what God will do during this program. I do have a favor to ask of my friends and family that read this blog, please be praying for me as I do this program. Along with prayer, I would love to have you financially support me in this program, if you can. This program is not free nor do I get paid to do the internship. I have to come up with $800 per month for the program (not hard with my income) and we are encouraged to seek out financial supporters. If you would be interested in being a financial supporter, please visit
https://www.portlandfellowship.com/upload/support_intern.pdf to download the Support Participation form. Make sure you check the box that says "Please apply my gift to _____." and put my name in. After filling out the form, mail the form and payment to the address at the bottom of the form. Make any checks out to Portland Fellowship. All financial support is tax-deductible (see form for details).
So that is my testimony of where God has taken me. It has been a very rough, challenging, roller-coaster of a ride through life; but God has brought about so much change in my life that I am now wanting to share it with others and pursue the life God has given me to live. Hope you have enjoyed reading more about my journey. Be watching for the next blog for a tour of the Portland Fellowship House that I am now living in. Until then, God bless.
~ Brandon / Watchful
